Melkor's fury
by Hookbill Goomba
Summary: Melkor is bored and looks for a fight
1. Melkor has a fight

Mekor's fury! A fanfic by J.k.Cornah  
  
Deep in Angband Melkor is sitting on his throne being quite bored, when two orks come in to disturb him.  
  
Ork1: Your Lordship! We come with news!  
  
Melkor: Oh really? What is it this time? Elves nancing up to the castle to try and over throw me again.  
  
Ork2: erm no! Well you see its like this.  
  
Melkor then shoots a fireball at Ork 2 who falls dead  
  
Melkor: sorry I did not like his voice. carry on.  
  
Ork1: well, you see, some of us Orks have been thinking, and well we. if its not too much trouble, we'd erm like a.. well we'd bee deeply indebted to you if you'd.  
  
Melkor: Speak! What do you wish?  
  
Ork1: we would like some. pay.  
  
Melkor rises from his throne and stares at Ork1 for a few seconds.  
  
Melkor: PAY? PAY? WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? MADE OF MONEY? I CAN'T PAY ALL 459000000000000001 OF YOU! I'D BE BROKE BY NOW!  
  
Ork1: but your Evilness we only are paid in salt now! I for one have not found anywhere that accepts grains as currency!  
  
The funeral for Ork1 was short but to the point, the vicar said "he was a bit rubbish really" and he was dumped in a hole. Meanwhile Melkor is sat once again on his throne felling quite bored.  
  
Melkor: hum. perhaps I should have another war, they're normally good for a lark!  
  
Just then Fingolfin came to the gates and sounded his horn.  
  
Fingolfin: Morgoth! Come forth! I challenge thee to single combat! You wimp!  
  
Melkor: Just coming.  
  
Melkor takes hold of Grond his faithful hammer and goes out to meet Fingolfin.  
  
Melkor: Yo dude! What's da haps?  
  
Fingolfin: Your death is nigh! You shall pollute this earth no longer!  
  
Melkor: oh, boo hoo, I am so scared! Oh mummy will you tell the mean man to go away! MAHAHAHA!  
  
Fingolfin: WHAT?  
  
Melkor: daah! You should look up sarcasm in the dictionary, its right between Dumb and Gullible!  
  
Fingolfin: You are a strange man Morgoth!  
  
Melkor: Ha Ha! You think you can. erm ..  
  
Melkor looks through Thesaurus for fitting word.  
  
Melkor: You think you can overpower me  
  
Melkor looks very pleased with himself.  
  
Fingolfin: are you ill?  
  
Melkor: no! Although I am feeling a little cold coming on.  
  
Fingolfin: I tire of your delays Morgoth! Let us fight now!  
  
After a long battle, Fingolfin is defeated.  
  
Melkor: Orks! Looks like meets back on the menu!  
  
Orks: Yuk! Elf scum! We cannot eat that!  
  
Melkor: your hopeless! 


	2. Sauron's new job

Chapter 2  
  
Melkor has just spent a long time on a small project of his own. he's made some new creature out of wool and cotton.  
  
Melkor: OOH! I love my little teddy bear!  
  
{Enter orc3}  
  
Orc3: your evilness! I come with news. Ah! Look out sir there is a strange deformity attacking you!  
  
Melkor: It's not a deformity! He's my little Teddy!  
  
Orc3 looks very scared and begins to back away as Melkor reveals a five- footed purple thing with one eye and four ears.  
  
Orc3: * Cough * well I'll just go now  
  
Orc3 backs out then runs as he leaves.  
  
Melkor: this is your fault Ted! Stop scaring all my minions! Remember that Balrog that never got over the fright! He's in intensive care now!  
  
Melkor is tired after all his work and thinks he needs someone to help him out.  
  
Melkor: Sauron! Come fourth!  
  
{Enter Sauron}  
  
Sauron: Yes my lord! Command me!  
  
Melkor: sit down dude! And lets rap!  
  
Sauron: sorry I cant sing, let alone rap with this deep evil voice that's so out of tune!  
  
Melkor: NO! not rap.. RAP!  
  
Sauron: you've lost me sorry!  
  
Melkor: daah! Is nobody with the times?  
  
Sauron: obviously not!  
  
Melkor: now back to the matter at hand.  
  
Sauron: ooh! Let me guess! Your running out of jewellery and you need me to make a ring for you?  
  
Melkor: no. that's tomorrow's job. I want you to take command of the defences for a wile! I need a rest.  
  
Sauron: Very well your lordship. And might I say how exquisitely shiny your crown is looking today.  
  
Melkor: I know where your going with this Sauron! And I say again. YOU CANNOT WERE IT!  
  
Sauron: aww  
  
(to be continued) 


	3. Melkor gets a pet

Chapter 3  
  
Long Melkor rested on his dark throne. Until in a dream, he had a vision! When he awoke, he took immediate action.  
  
Melkor: I have decided I need a guard dog!  
  
{Enter Orc cleric}  
  
Orc C: sir who are you talking to?  
  
Melkor: Myself! It's the only way I can guarantee intelligent conversation. Cancel my appointment! I have to go the pet shop!  
  
Orc C: But sir! Your 3:00 appointment is hear! It is rather important! He needs to discuss the fact that the Orcs have run out of Custard!  
  
Melkor: It can wait! Just give them, I don't know. fish soup!  
  
Orc C: But! Sir! We've had fish soup for the last 300 years! We need the custard!  
  
Melkor: are you questioning my judgment? If you are!!!  
  
The Orc Cleric was said to be the first mortal being to travel into outer space. whilst Melkor travels to a pet shop. in Beleriand.  
  
{enter shop assistant}  
  
S,A: Yes Sir and what may you bee looking for?  
  
Melkor: I want some form of Guard Dog! Something furious enough to bite a man's hand off! Or even better half his body!  
  
S,A: Well would you like to come and see what your looking for?  
  
Melkor: if I must.  
  
They walk past several small dogs, each looking slightly livid. However, hardly any to Melkor's liking until they come to a particularly large wolf!  
  
Melkor: yes this is just what I wanted! What is his name?  
  
S,A: his name is Cuddly Fluff!  
  
Melkor: . Brilliant!  
  
Melkor takes his new pet back to Angband. He always referred to it as Fluffy but the Orcs called him Carcharoth and so all others named him.  
  
{enter Orc4}  
  
Orc4: You're Black-heartedness! News has come that two strange people have defeated Sauron!  
  
Melkor: Who?  
  
Orc4: not known my liege!  
  
Melkor: That Sauron cannot be trusted with anything but jewellery making!  
  
Orc4: We found him asleep on the floor drooling and muttering something about eating a sheep!  
  
Melkor: yes he's never liked sheep.  
  
(to be continued) 


	4. Melkor falls asleep

Chapter4  
  
Melkor is having a think about his plans for the future when he hears something going on outside.  
  
Melkor: aw sounds like fluffy's asleep!  
  
Little did he know Beren and Lúthien had just sent Carcharoth to sleep and were heading towards Morgoth!  
  
Melkor: hum sounds like someone's coming? Probably some orcs. I know! I'll show off my new Rap to them!  
  
{Enter Lúthien and Beren in wolf form}  
  
Lúthien: My lord! I come to. erm. sing to thee! For thine entertainment!  
  
Melkor: ooh! Allow me to go first!  
  
Melkor rises puts a cap on the wrong way round.  
  
Melkor: Yo! Yo! I am da Mastar! Yer yer no one is Fastar! Oh yer!  
  
Do do! You cana beat me Yo yo! Coz I is da bee! Oh yer! Well what do you think?  
  
Lúthien: erm. excellent! You should be a comedian!  
  
Beren thinks: That was the biggest pile of Crap since Frank the immensely fat had constipation for five years, yet kept eating and piling it up until one day when he let it all go in one enormous heap of malodorous excrement!  
  
Melkor: It wasn't a joke!  
  
Lúthien: ah!  
  
Melkor: well.. lets hear your song then!  
  
Lúthien sings and dances and soon Melkor is feeling drowsy.  
  
Melkor: * yawns * I need to just lie down and perhaps have a sleep.  
  
Melkor falls to the ground asleep. Hugging his 'teddy bear'  
  
Lúthien: Now Beren! Let us take the Silmaril!  
  
Beren: I'll use this knife I conveniently found hear on the ground!  
  
The knife snaps as Beren tries to extract the silmaril!  
  
Beren: Damnation man!  
  
Lúthien: who's' Damnation man?  
  
Beren: he's a comic book hero I used to like!  
  
Lúthien: oh.  
  
Eventually Beren and Lúthien get the Silmaril and leave the castle. However, they meet up with Carcharoth!  
  
Beren: Back foul beast of Morgoth!  
  
Carcharoth: NO! I didn't like being put to sleep!  
  
Beren holds up the Silmaril and Carcharoth bites Beren's hand off.  
  
Beren: oh Fu...  
  
(to be concluded) 


	5. The End! :'

Chapter 5  
  
Beren and Lúthien escaped but the Silmaril was in the belly of Carcharoth. Melkor awakens.  
  
Melkor: * Yawns * oh, what time is it? Breakfast time? I hope so! Orcs! Oh Orcs?  
  
{enter orc5 and orc6}  
  
Orc5: Yes oh black hearted one!  
  
Melkor: I want Breakfast! Firstly; egg, sausage, bacon, toast, beans, Mutton, beef, pork, cheese, ham, pineapple, salt, shoes, crumpets, and a few hundred crates of Garlic bread. now for the main course I'd like. why are you looking at me like that? Its less than I normally eat!  
  
Or6: I, erm, don't quite know how to tell you, but one of your Silmarils is. well, missing.  
  
Orc6's remains were still being picked up off the walls fifty years hence this point.  
  
Melkor: MISING! I'LL BET IT T'WAS THAT STINKIN DANCER WHO INSULTED MY SINGING! I'LL SHOW HER WHEN I RELEASE MY SINGEL! THEN I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!  
  
Orc5: y-y-y-your e-e-evil-l-l n-n-ness! I erm, have a.  
  
Melkor: Don't speak whilst I'm rambling! Or you'll end up in the same state as your little friend! Now, where was I? Oh yes. Stupid dancer taking my little fluffy too! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU AND ALL YOUR.erm. well just CURSE YOU!  
  
Melkor's fury burst into cataclysmic rage as he smashed all the pottery in his castle.  
  
{enter Orc7}  
  
Orc7: sir perhaps a holiday will make you feel better? Woops!  
  
Orc7 knocked over a table with a small plate on it. The plate smashed.  
  
Melkor: DAAAAAAH! YOU FOOL! That was the most priceless artefact in the castle! My Wife's going to kill me! But not before I kill YOU!  
  
Orc7: No sir! T'was an accident!  
  
Melkor: ACCIDENT? Oh that's just fine! Oh we'd all love it if every accident wasn't punished! Wouldn't we? DO YOU THINK YOU COULD ACCIDENTLY PUT IT BACK TOGETHER?  
  
Orc7: no oh tremendously important one!  
  
Melkor: THEN DIE!  
  
Melkor hurled his hammer down upon ork7, who was killed by the fright and not the hammer blow.  
  
Melkor: Oh B***er what am I going to do? I've got to clean this all up before my wife gets home!  
  
Melkor tidied up with years to spare. Than he took a vow.  
  
Melkor: I swear never to become enraged again! Therefore, much to the annoyance of the writer, Ending this series!  
  
Every one gasps as the curtain falls. on Melkor's head. 


End file.
